It's Good For Your Health, They Said...

Those who knew that I am actually sick, sometimes came up and told me that such and such took this and that supplement/herbal/drugs and it helped their cancer/disease/etc.

Depending on my mood my reaction would be smile, nod, move on; or, I would tell them that it won't work with me because it is different than autoimmune. There were times when I was too tired to discuss about their suggestion and too upset as they kept insisted that I said, 'look, if I tried that, I might die'. Then I left. The truth is, I might not die from it... but I'd be in agony just like two nights ago and yesterday.

So several people has been saying that I should've tried chlorophyl or spirulina. I wasn't sure. I figured it might increase my fiber intake. So I was asking this pharmacist about it. He said it is good and ok to try, but there is a better one: astaxanthin. Then a fellow autoimmune patient said she took if for a while and it's been great. That was weeks ago.

On Sunday I managed to go to a pharmacy and remember about buying it. The remembering part is crucial as I have brain fog often. Not as sever as last year when I forgot my name. I bought the lowest strength. I took it on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.

I remember on Tuesday I woke up with pain in my left foot where the ligament was torn last year. I found it so strange as I had never had any problem before. the pain subsided in an hour or so. In the middle of the night of Wednesday I woke up due to pain in my right hip as I was sleeping on my right side. I changed position but the pain persisted. on Thursday I was in pain, I haven't been in such pain for along time. my right side was in pain from head to toe.
Only after I took another astaxathin after dinner I was thinking what was different in the last several days, and it was astaxanthin. I started to search pubmed. and there it was: benefit: increase immune.

As someone who needs to tame her immune because it was too strong, taking a 'harmless' supplement which turned out increasing the said immune is just plain stupid. I learnt my lesson.

A Spark Of Light

I have just realized, that somewhere in the Postsecret exhibition at the Smithsonian Institute in DC, there a piece of me.

Source: postsecret.com

Back in 2006 I created a postcard which was published on Postsecret.com website and currently among thousands of them that is on display at the Smithsonian. I wont tell you which one it is, after all it is about my secret. But it sure feels awesome.

It Is Life, Jim, But Not As We Know It

A year ago today, I slipped. That split second event has changed my life forever.
It has been hard, physically and mentally, but life goes on and so must I.
I know I am still lucky that I still have my job, that I can still function pretty normal, that my friends and family support me.

I guess this is part of growing up. One of my friends said, if I pass this trial, it means I graduated to the next level.  To be honest, I don't care about the next level.  I do believe in what that lady said to me back in Rotterdam: "every thing is going to be alright".. eventually.  I don't know when, I don't know how, but It will somehow.

Six Words Story

Stranger. Friend. Best Friend. Lover. Stranger.

Just Saying..

The Stick

I carry a walking stick with me most of the time I am not home now. My mom and O complained about it, saying I look like an elderly. That all I need is to do physiotherapy and be done with the stick. Tonight I met this guy who works across the floor who asked about my stick and after I explained why I carry it with me, told me that I shouldn't make a habit out of carrying it. Isn't it great when someone who talked with you for about 5 minutes be the expert of your life and told you what to do? :) Let's back track to where it started. Last June, 19th of June to be exact, which was The anniversary of grandfather's death, also known as the death of my previous live I fell off the stairs at work. Apparently I was one of many victims of that precise stairs. I was quite lucky, if one can call it lucky, that I didn't need any surgery or broke any bone. I do, however, left with torn ligaments and an autoimmune disease. I graduated from a wheelchair to a walker to a walking stick as my feet is getting better in 2 months. The problem is with my autoimmune, I now have the tendency of getting dizzy when I am tired or stress out or both. It comes and goes as it pleases. My podiatrist agrees that it is better for me to carry the walking stick in case I was by myself and get dizzy so I have less chance of falling. I don't use it at home or at the office as there are plenty of furniture that I can grab to steady myself. However, to go to the restroom at the office I still carry my stick when I go there by myself as the floor is slippery enough when it is dry and most of the time the restroom floor is wet due to people doing ablution before praying on the faucet which they are not supposed to do. Did I mention I fell twice there between February and May almost knocking my head on the wall? I don't get why all these people object my carrying my stick when they are not there 24/7 with me to help me when I feel dizzy or about to faint. By carrying it I can maintain my independence at some degrees, as I don't have to wait for anyone to get around. I wish there is a walking stick that you can fold like an umbrella which you only open when you need it, sort of like the stick that is use by the blind, only it has to be sturdy enough to hold my body weight. This might be the beginning of a project.. like they say, every ending is a new beginning you just don't know it at the time.

Life threw a curveball...

I slipped and fell off the stairs at work mid June. Not a single bone was broken, but it swelled rapidly and hurt more than when I had hairline fracture. I knew something wasn't right.

My orthopedic doctor told me I have torn ligaments and not to walk for 3 weeks. I duly used a wheelchair to get about. Gradually I began using a walker and now using a stick to stabilize. I joked that I can do a race with the elderly I met, and probably they are winning. I started to be forgetful, confused and had trouble concentrating by July. Toward the end of July I started having headaches.

During that time my breast hurt so much I wanted to cry. I did an usg, and emailed the result to my consultant in KL. She said if I still have problem after my period I need to see a doctor.  It is still hurting but not so much. I started to notice that my mouth is so dry, at one point I drank 3 liters of water while being at the office for 9 hours. At times, my nails turn blue and painful from the airco.

Meanwhile, I saw my internist who also happened to be my dad's friend. The moment he saw me he suspected that I have vasculitis and I'm low on vitamin D, and told me to do some blood test. I thought it was routine tests, until I saw that he ticked on the box next to ANA under rheumatology test. Something is not right.

Three days later the result came back. Everything was good except that I have high cholesterol and my ANA results were positive. It points to Sjogren's Syndrome, an autoimmune disease. Not. Good.

Now I take 7-8 different pills a day, dealing with dry eyes, dry mouth and throat, rash, brain fog, and joints pain. I try to live my life as normal as possible but sometimes it is frustrating.

Not only I have to be careful with what I eat (apparently sugar, dairy, gluten are not my friends anymore, which is suck as I love my cakes and my comfort food is mac & cheese), light and sun are not agreeing with me. I've notice each time I went to carrefour with its bright UV-emitting-flourescent lights I feel so weak after about 30 minutes. Stress is a big problem. Once, due to traffic I was late for an appointment even though I left the house 1.5 hours prior to the schedule. It supposed to be a 40 minutes ride which turned into more than 2 hours ride. After catching the end of the meeting, and on a taxi back to the office, I felt like collapsing. I paid for the stress right away.

So, now I close my eyes to things that might agitate me, I let go a lot of things. Seeing the brighter things, like now I have something in common with Venus Williams. It's been 24 days since my diagnosis, and every day is a learning process. It's a new way of living, but life goes on.

Close Call

+Who do you think is going to win? Not you hope to win, but going to win.
-Look, you how I feel about this, the question is how big the winning is going to be. I think the margin is going to be less than 5% and it might lead to chaos.
+Nah, it's going to be more than 10%

That was taken place the night before the election.

At present we have three presidents: SBY, JKW and PS; the incumbent, winner of quick count,and  that of TVOne.

All joke aside, we have to wait until July 22 to know which one has the most votes. That being said, today the head of election committee announced that the result is not final. Seriously?? Why do we even bother.

Who's on First?

Colonialist Behaviour

In the last several months I've seen two kind of behaviors that were displayed by both Indonesians and Foreigners which remind me of colonial era. It is really frustrating dealing with such behavior in the 21st century and being displayed by people who are younger than 40 years old. Seriously!

Exhibit one:

A European had to give lectures in one of the cities out of Java. The said lecturer speaks Bahasa Indonesia and has been travelling and working in Indonesia extensively. Upon arrival in Soekarno Hatta airport he had to wait for this person from the inviting institute to pick him up to travel to the destination. The lecturer had tried to refuse being picked up at the airport as he knows how to travel (especially in Indonesia) and it wasn't cost effective, but the inviting institute refused his suggestion based on: Foreign invitees must be picked at the airport up. Which airport? Not local airport, but Soekarno Hatta airport! So, someone was sent to travel several hours by plane to pick him up and travel back with him to the destination. 

I can understand if you have to pick someone up at your local airport, but I scratched my head hearing this story. If you go to Europe, I bet no one will pick you up at Schiphol during transiting if your destination is Pisa.  Just because they are bule doesn't mean you have to move heaven and earth for them while throwing petals of flowers in front of them. 

Exhibit two:

I think foreigners working in Indonesia can be divided into those who like or even love Indonesia, and those who just happen to work here who might not be the brightest person in their home country (OK, I'm exaggerating here,but  it's not far off. Let's face it, Shell won't send their number one person to Indonesia, they keep him/her in HQ). They all complain about Indonesians and their weird way. It's normal. You compare things you find in the host country to yours or your previous host countries. I did that too when I'm abroad. 

However,  I've met those who put down Indonesians, while they don't exhibit any capabilities themselves, in such way that reminds me of an old colonialist was telling the inlander off. For example, I reminded them about copyright, and the reply that I got was, "Uh, Indonesian doesn't care about it" and ignoring my request. Well, I do and clearly you don't, so don't drag 'Indonesians' into it. It is worse when the person doing this is not even working permanently but act like the boss. 

There are also the ones who thinks that you will do your utmost to please them because Indonesians are nice and helpful according to travel guides, which of course doesn't give you the right to abuse their hospitality.

I have more example how foreigners act toward Indonesians, but some are not really transferable in my writing, as it is more about their subtle gestures while doing it. I think these kind of people were accustomed to the treatment of Indonesians who behave like the ones in my first exhibit and thinking that everyone will submit to their every whim.  

Normally I don't see people as foreigner or Indonesian as I believe we are all equal, but lately I've been dealing with jerks in both sides, I wonder time and time again why do I feel like dealing with colonialists and their subjects in what supposed to be a free country. 

My Current Mantra

Anicca anicca anicca
अनिच्चा


*Pali for impermanence

How to Travel After a Fracture

One rainy night toward the end of October I slipped when I tried getting into the bus. It started to swell pretty quickly, as soon as I arrived home I put on Thrombopop (a salve against swelling) and param kocok (traditional concoction for bruising) and wrapped it tightly.

The next day I went to the hospital, got an xray, and yes, another hairline fracture. This time on my left cuboid bone. The doctor said I didnt need any cast, just properly wrapped it and no high heels.

Two days later I was at the airport, checking in. I asked the person in charged if I was allowed to board along with family with kids. She asked why, and I told the story. 'ok, you'll be in a wheelchair' she said.
'My gosh, I dont need a wheelchair, I can walk slowly and it is still 3 hours prior to departure' I rejected her command. But she wont take no, so I had to be wheeled in after checking in.

I felt embarrassed, yet grateful. I was healthy enough bar that one bone, people didnt see that I had swollen foot. And I'd been walking around in the last two days, for crying out loud.

As we transited, I was glad she put me in a wheelchair, it was quite a walk, up and down 2 flight of stairs. It was quite funny when we were about to board, there were 12 (yes, twelve) people in a wheelchair! Each has their own person who pushed it. It felt like a race. I was probably the youngest.

When we landed in SFO, they didnt have any wheelchair for me. I was about to walk, when they said I should get one. So, I did, except this time there were only 3 people pushing all the wheelchairs! Poor them. They had to do a relay pushing us. And, they also helped us getting our luggage. The good thing about being in a wheelchair was we didnt have to wait for long for immigration.

On my way back I didnt ask for a wheelchair. My foot was more stable and I had been walking (slowly) every where for a week anyway. Granted travelling with broken bone disturbed some of my plans and I have to walk slowly and rest often.  But it was a fab trip none the less.

Foodilicious

Things that I miss are usually food

The Exploratorium

Amsterdam has Nemo, Singapore has Science Center, and San Francisco has The Exploratorium at Pier 15, just minutes away between Fisherman's Wharf and the Ferry Building.

It is a museum which mission is to change the way the world leans. It set up by Frank Oppenheimer, brother of J. Robert Oppenheimer of Manhattan Project, in 1969.

As he was blacklisted from academia due to his involvement in his brother's project, he helped out Science projects of local high school students which led him later on to set up a public museum to supplement science curricula at all levels.

There are over 600 exhibits, not as much as its Singaporean counterpart which has over 1000, divided into 6 galleries. The exhibits cover subjects: human perception, life sciences, physical phenomena, local environment and human behavior.

If it wasn't for the screaming kids, I would have stayed there all day long as it was fascinating trying out all the exhibits. Actually, the exploratorium has an adult only opening every first Thursday evening of the month, which I couldnt make it.

Apparently, for each exhibit they try it out with several teachers first, should they respond positively, the exhibit then will be put on display, if not then they re-adjust or start again.

I wish we have something like this in Indonesia, so we can entice kids into science.

Making a Point

I dont know much about American politics. I just know that when a President from the Democratic party is in power, the Republican do their best to make his/her life misserable. Take Clinton and his Monica affair. So, he had an affair and lied about it. It's a big deal for Hillary but I think not enough for a country to impeach him. Yet, when Bush junior lied about weapon of mass destruction and spending gawd knows how much on the stupid illegal war and killing thousands of people from several countries, no one even bother to impeach him.

Now, the government of USA shuts down.

It hasn't affect me directly until today. To be fair, had not been for the shut down, Indonesian Rupiah might've dropped even further in the past wo weeks. It helps Indonesian economy slightly. That being said, I dont know how things are after tomorrow if there's no agreement on the debt ceiling and the USA is defaulting. By then it's not only an American problem but a problem of the whole world in this connected  economy.

While I try to follow the shut down's timeline, I cant help but wonder about House speaker J.A. Boehner stubborness on this matter. Apparently there are 20 Republican House members who are willing to vote for the budget to end the shut down but was not allowed by Boehner.

Seriously?

While he was making his point about Obama care, he takes the whole country and might also take the whole world hostage. How bad is spending money on health care for all of your citizen compares to spending money on financing wars?

Blablabla

If you can't explain it simple, you don't understand it well enough - Einstein

I've had my share of dealing with some form of legal writing. In Bahasa Indonesia, English or Dutch. Most of the time, the Anglo Saxon writes the most direct in their legal writing. I've been trying to translate this notarial deed from Dutch which is the worst I've seen so far.

I feel like I do more research than translating. 

Seriously, legal lingo is hard enough as it is, and the guy has managed to upped it several notch. Ouwehoeren to the max. 

Why do they do that? Why legal people need to use archaic very long sentence in their writing? Is it a form of showing off? Covering you clients behinds doesnt have to be this complicated, people!

Gosh!

I needed two things done today, the first is getting this logo print out as cheap possible for templates and getting this file translated by today.

The file I have to translate is about 50 pages in Dutch and located in Sumatra. They need it ASAP. Or so they say back on Thursday. I cleared up Friday through Sunday last week to do it. Guess what? I still haven't received the original file until this tonight!!  I texted my friend about it every work day, and kept getting reply that his staff is going to send it. This afternoon he said the said staff just finished scanning them and will send them. Seriously? It took Thursday, Friday and Monday (I have no idea if they work on Saturday) to scan only 50 pages? Might as well you send the original by mail and our office boy could do it in less than one day. If scanning 50 pages takes 3 days, how long do you expect me to translate the whole thing ASAP? 

Next, the logo thing. Back in December we lost our shipment of two custom-made tablecloths to KL using a well-known shipping company. After a back and forth emails, they agreed to refund everything. Now I have to make two other custom-made tablecloths again. To do that I need to blow up this logo into 18cmx90cm in several A4s format before I could take it to the maker. Simple, right? Thinking I still need to finish my report, I asked our office boy to print them at a well-known, overpriced printing shop in Jakarta which located next door. He came back saying that they couldn't do that, and we need to do it at their HQ! What?? Again, seriously? It's a simple print job using photoshop or any DTP program. I ended up doing it myself in the office in less than 30 minutes.

What's up with these people? Those are simple things, why do you make it so difficult? 

Bohemian Gravity

I love the geekiness of this video. the sound is not bad either.

Uh Oh

I go to the office wearing a t-shirt most days. When I arrive, I change to 'office wear', whatever that is.
Except for today. I arrived straight to the empty office, bar the office boy. So, I was working in my tees. Jakartan offices are notoriously cold. After awhile, I thought I was going to put on my 'office blouse' on top of my tee as I started to get cold.

Holes and another holes.

That's what I saw on both upper arms of my blouse. Huge gapping holes. Didn't see them this morning when I put it in my bag. There goes my plan swinging by a government office this afternoon.

oh well..

How Old Are Your Ears?

When it comes to our body, what is stated on our birth certificate could means nothing much. You were born in such and such day, but your body could be older or younger than that number.

Back in NL my Chinese doctor jokingly told me that my face looked 25, while my body was 50. There's some truth in what she said, as I was coming to her office on weekly basis (sometimes twice a week) for acupuncture and tui na massage to heal some nerves damage & fibromyalgia which took toll on my body.

That being said, my ears are younger than I am, as I could still hear some high pitch sound which normally someone my age won't be able to hear, such as 17,000Hz. I even took the medical hearing test to prove it.

Below is a free simple test to check your hearing, all you need is to set it to 1080p and use a headset in a quiet room on a normal sound setting.

Judging from the comments, there are plenty youngsters who are not able to hear according their age level. I assume they are using a lot of headset to hear very loud music on daily basis which ruins their hair cells. I hope they change their habit and preserve their hair cells longer.