The Stick

I carry a walking stick with me most of the time I am not home now. My mom and O complained about it, saying I look like an elderly. That all I need is to do physiotherapy and be done with the stick. Tonight I met this guy who works across the floor who asked about my stick and after I explained why I carry it with me, told me that I shouldn't make a habit out of carrying it. Isn't it great when someone who talked with you for about 5 minutes be the expert of your life and told you what to do? :) Let's back track to where it started. Last June, 19th of June to be exact, which was The anniversary of grandfather's death, also known as the death of my previous live I fell off the stairs at work. Apparently I was one of many victims of that precise stairs. I was quite lucky, if one can call it lucky, that I didn't need any surgery or broke any bone. I do, however, left with torn ligaments and an autoimmune disease. I graduated from a wheelchair to a walker to a walking stick as my feet is getting better in 2 months. The problem is with my autoimmune, I now have the tendency of getting dizzy when I am tired or stress out or both. It comes and goes as it pleases. My podiatrist agrees that it is better for me to carry the walking stick in case I was by myself and get dizzy so I have less chance of falling. I don't use it at home or at the office as there are plenty of furniture that I can grab to steady myself. However, to go to the restroom at the office I still carry my stick when I go there by myself as the floor is slippery enough when it is dry and most of the time the restroom floor is wet due to people doing ablution before praying on the faucet which they are not supposed to do. Did I mention I fell twice there between February and May almost knocking my head on the wall? I don't get why all these people object my carrying my stick when they are not there 24/7 with me to help me when I feel dizzy or about to faint. By carrying it I can maintain my independence at some degrees, as I don't have to wait for anyone to get around. I wish there is a walking stick that you can fold like an umbrella which you only open when you need it, sort of like the stick that is use by the blind, only it has to be sturdy enough to hold my body weight. This might be the beginning of a project.. like they say, every ending is a new beginning you just don't know it at the time.

Close Call

+Who do you think is going to win? Not you hope to win, but going to win.
-Look, you how I feel about this, the question is how big the winning is going to be. I think the margin is going to be less than 5% and it might lead to chaos.
+Nah, it's going to be more than 10%

That was taken place the night before the election.

At present we have three presidents: SBY, JKW and PS; the incumbent, winner of quick count,and  that of TVOne.

All joke aside, we have to wait until July 22 to know which one has the most votes. That being said, today the head of election committee announced that the result is not final. Seriously?? Why do we even bother.

Colonialist Behaviour

In the last several months I've seen two kind of behaviors that were displayed by both Indonesians and Foreigners which remind me of colonial era. It is really frustrating dealing with such behavior in the 21st century and being displayed by people who are younger than 40 years old. Seriously!

Exhibit one:

A European had to give lectures in one of the cities out of Java. The said lecturer speaks Bahasa Indonesia and has been travelling and working in Indonesia extensively. Upon arrival in Soekarno Hatta airport he had to wait for this person from the inviting institute to pick him up to travel to the destination. The lecturer had tried to refuse being picked up at the airport as he knows how to travel (especially in Indonesia) and it wasn't cost effective, but the inviting institute refused his suggestion based on: Foreign invitees must be picked at the airport up. Which airport? Not local airport, but Soekarno Hatta airport! So, someone was sent to travel several hours by plane to pick him up and travel back with him to the destination. 

I can understand if you have to pick someone up at your local airport, but I scratched my head hearing this story. If you go to Europe, I bet no one will pick you up at Schiphol during transiting if your destination is Pisa.  Just because they are bule doesn't mean you have to move heaven and earth for them while throwing petals of flowers in front of them. 

Exhibit two:

I think foreigners working in Indonesia can be divided into those who like or even love Indonesia, and those who just happen to work here who might not be the brightest person in their home country (OK, I'm exaggerating here,but  it's not far off. Let's face it, Shell won't send their number one person to Indonesia, they keep him/her in HQ). They all complain about Indonesians and their weird way. It's normal. You compare things you find in the host country to yours or your previous host countries. I did that too when I'm abroad. 

However,  I've met those who put down Indonesians, while they don't exhibit any capabilities themselves, in such way that reminds me of an old colonialist was telling the inlander off. For example, I reminded them about copyright, and the reply that I got was, "Uh, Indonesian doesn't care about it" and ignoring my request. Well, I do and clearly you don't, so don't drag 'Indonesians' into it. It is worse when the person doing this is not even working permanently but act like the boss. 

There are also the ones who thinks that you will do your utmost to please them because Indonesians are nice and helpful according to travel guides, which of course doesn't give you the right to abuse their hospitality.

I have more example how foreigners act toward Indonesians, but some are not really transferable in my writing, as it is more about their subtle gestures while doing it. I think these kind of people were accustomed to the treatment of Indonesians who behave like the ones in my first exhibit and thinking that everyone will submit to their every whim.  

Normally I don't see people as foreigner or Indonesian as I believe we are all equal, but lately I've been dealing with jerks in both sides, I wonder time and time again why do I feel like dealing with colonialists and their subjects in what supposed to be a free country. 

Making a Point

I dont know much about American politics. I just know that when a President from the Democratic party is in power, the Republican do their best to make his/her life misserable. Take Clinton and his Monica affair. So, he had an affair and lied about it. It's a big deal for Hillary but I think not enough for a country to impeach him. Yet, when Bush junior lied about weapon of mass destruction and spending gawd knows how much on the stupid illegal war and killing thousands of people from several countries, no one even bother to impeach him.

Now, the government of USA shuts down.

It hasn't affect me directly until today. To be fair, had not been for the shut down, Indonesian Rupiah might've dropped even further in the past wo weeks. It helps Indonesian economy slightly. That being said, I dont know how things are after tomorrow if there's no agreement on the debt ceiling and the USA is defaulting. By then it's not only an American problem but a problem of the whole world in this connected  economy.

While I try to follow the shut down's timeline, I cant help but wonder about House speaker J.A. Boehner stubborness on this matter. Apparently there are 20 Republican House members who are willing to vote for the budget to end the shut down but was not allowed by Boehner.

Seriously?

While he was making his point about Obama care, he takes the whole country and might also take the whole world hostage. How bad is spending money on health care for all of your citizen compares to spending money on financing wars?

Blablabla

If you can't explain it simple, you don't understand it well enough - Einstein

I've had my share of dealing with some form of legal writing. In Bahasa Indonesia, English or Dutch. Most of the time, the Anglo Saxon writes the most direct in their legal writing. I've been trying to translate this notarial deed from Dutch which is the worst I've seen so far.

I feel like I do more research than translating. 

Seriously, legal lingo is hard enough as it is, and the guy has managed to upped it several notch. Ouwehoeren to the max. 

Why do they do that? Why legal people need to use archaic very long sentence in their writing? Is it a form of showing off? Covering you clients behinds doesnt have to be this complicated, people!

Legal Female Genital 'Mutilation'?

I wonder about this new trend of kids younger than 14 year old having designer vagina surgery. How much different it was with female genital mutilation practices in some countries, including Indonesia?

To my knowledge, the official stand of Indonesian Doctors Association is not to endorse FGM practices. That being said, I heard some doctors practice "FGM" in the notion to provide a 'better' care of the victims when the parents insist that their daughter must be submitted into FGM practices based on religious belief. In such case, the doctor didnt cut anything, only pricked the clitoris.

To my disgust, I was told that the traditional practitioners cut a little.

Now, reading that in the Europe kids, as young as 9 year old, go through surgical procedure citing due to some psychological reasoning is beyond me. Most of adults having the same procedure are because they compare their vagina to that of porn stars. I wonder if the internet helps creating such trend among young children, too.

I could understand the need of surgery if it was a congenital abnormality, but how many people out there having such problem?

What happens in Europe is a form of legal mutilation, because the underlaying reason of having such procedure is similar as in FGM countries: Someone (parents) wants that their daughter/ themselves conforming with certain idea that the small part of society holds about female genital that looks a certain way.

In FGM countries we could cite that people who do FGM are mostly coming from a low educated background. What can we say about their European/Western counterparts?

Heading to Another Property Bubble?

I read the other day about the price of property in Jakarta which increasing fast. Really fast. In certain area of Jakarta a land costs USD 7500 per square meter! The weird part is, the more expensive a property is, the more interest of buying it. 

Today I was meeting some folks and heard that in this particular area of Jakarta, eight months ago the land price was about UDS 800 per square meter, nowadays you have to pay USD 2000! A house with less than 1000m² of land at Brawijaya street in Kebayoran, Jakarta was sold for more than USD 7 million last week. 

Indonesia's economy is booming despite world economic problem, but I'm afraid we are heading to another property bubble in Indonesia. Might as well bracing myself. 

The Importance of Lady Gaga Concert

Someone asked in his status the importance of Lady Gaga concert for Indonesia. Some said that it's not important, it's not something Indonesian needs to emulate. that it's only a short entertainment that can corrupt our generation, a waste of money, there's  potentially securities issues involved and apparently some folks believe that she promotes Satanic cult. 

Some, myself included, says it's important. Someone cited that because she is talented and her works is art. Other said that it's a benchmark of Indonesia's security and tourism sector that we could host such artist. I find it important  that we have the liberty to have choices and to choose what we want without being oppressed, to express our opinion and not becoming brutal just because our opinion was not heard. 

I like the fact that I can freely choose not to see Lady Gaga because I dont want to, and not because some extremist group told me not to, thank you very much. 

Interestingly, upon reading my opinion, he asked what kind of freedom I was talking about, that there's a causal laws and if I had a child would I let my kid to do drugs. He's point is there's a limit on freedom.  He also mentioned that we shouldnt be trapped in the 'Western kind of freedom' which is without boundaries.

I agree that there is limit on freedom when it comes to other people. The limit of freedom goes both ways.  I'm not talking about 'Western kind of freedom' or 'Eastern kind of freedom [is there such a thing?], I'm talking about universal freedom. The limit of freedom doesnt mean that if extremist group prefers one thing that we all have to succumb to it. The last time I checked, Indonesia is not an Islamic state. I do believe, those groups have the rights to express their opinion on Lady Gaga, that being said, that doesnt mean that we have to ban the concert just because they threaten to run amok because they dont agree with Lady Gaga. We cant keep letting the extremist hijack our freedom. There is a limit even for an extremist group. 

Oh My... Fifty Shades

In the last couple of weeks, I've seen headlines on several major news outlet mentioning the book du jour. The Fifty Shades of Grey. At first, I didnt even read the articles, but since the name of the book keep popping up, last weekend I've decided to see what the fuss is all about.

And I read, and read, and read more.

You see, the book is part of a trilogy of a relationship between a young dashing billionaire but emotionally damaged Christian Grey and a twenty-one year old innocent fresh graduate with an annoying inner goddess Anastasia Steel. It's a mash up between Mills & Boon, Cinderella and BDSM story written by EL James, a pseudonym of one Erika Mitchell. There are plenty of sex, vanilla or otherwise, in the book, but the story it self keeps you turning the pages even though it was badly written.

What's with Anastasia's inner goddess coming out all the time? My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves (p137), [after a spanking session] my inner goddess is prostrate... well, at least she's quiet (p276).

Then there's the repetition of words/sentences. All variation of 'holy..', muttering, mumbling (apparently they cant just say what they want to say) and oh my. Then again, this book started as a Twilight fanfic titled Master of the Universe with about 80% of it stays in the book (I didnt know about it until I finished all three books. Holy crap! I cant bear to read it if it was 'Fifty Shades of Cullen'!).

The part that I enjoy is the email exchange between the two protagonists.

That being said, I couldnt keep the book down because I want to know how far he will push her and how far she grows as a woman and in (a difficult) relationship. Can she tame him? Will she stay in the relationship with all that money, power and mind blowing orgasm but sans love?

Christian is a Harvard educated, who pilots his own helicopter while he is not playing his piano and being filthy rich. What's not to like about him? He, however, starts every relationship with a non disclosure agreement and a written contract. That's the only relationship he knows. He does and doesnt want to bring Anastasia in to his lifestyle. He does and doent want to hurt her.

Anastasia's journey from virginity to BDSM, and relationship with men for that matter, is very intense. Does she want it for herself or does she do it to please the person she loves?

The book also sparks feminist debate about whether women should be sexually submissive in bed. Not bad for a book with terrible quality of writing.

Drag Queen

I have a thing about drag queen. They fascinate me. And they have balls.

There was these couple I used to know who laughed at their friend's father who was a drag queen. I applaud the guy and his son for being honest about it. So what if he is comfortable wearing a dress? Scots & Irish men wear kilt, guys in Burma, Micronesia and Indonesia wear their traditional sarong, not very much different than a dress.

One of the last thing I talked to my dad was about the couple's reaction about the said drag queen. I told my dad that I would've accepted if my dad has been a drag than if he has had another family. Because being a drag means he was true to himself, while having another family means he cheated on us. I might even be proud of him being a drag. Dad was laughing. Mind you, I made that comparison because the girl's father is a bigamist.

On Terrorism

In the last month I've been in for a shock of a chance meeting a fundamentalist taxi driver and watching Die Welle movie on two separate occasions.

The taxi driver was graduated from the famous Gontor Islamic school. I'm not saying all Gontor alumnus are fundamentalists, it's just this one is. In fact, he said he wasnt very happy for the fact that at Gontor he missed learning certain things, which after some prodding he mentioned his admiration for someone such as Ba'ashir, who he deemed brave enough to teach the 'right kind' of Islam.

He talked how those suicide bombers were following the right teaching and really understood about the teaching and they will be granted a piece of heaven. He talked how Karzai's blood is halal for people like him due to Karzai's dealing with the USA. He asked if I thought of him as a mean person because he believed that Mother Theresa wont be granted heaven but hell by Allah. I told him that's his opinion but I believe God (I intentionally not using the word 'Allah' in front of him) is better than that, to which he retorted that I have to read Quran before citing some verses in Arabic and its translation. He talked about his wife wearing a face covering while I was wearing a deep V-neck at that time. He didnt say what I was wearing was wrong, though. It was my first ever confrontation with a suicide bomber supporter. It was scary yet intriguing.

I told this expert on terrorism that I met the other day about that taxi driver and how worried I was after seeing Die Welle, thinking if someone charismatic could change people in 4 or 5 days such as  in the real 'The Third Wave' experiment, how powerful it is people such as Ba'ashir who teaches in an Islamic school for years, especially a lot of the students are not very critical and typically are following blindly. The guy agreed that Ba'ashir has the capacity to change people and it is why he's tried to 'work' with Ba'ashir in stead of fighting him frontally, hoping that Ba'ashir would finally say "let's stop all the violence" just like what happened in Northern Ireland and its IRA.

All these time, I think who ever put the idea in the mind of suicide bombers that they act is in accordance to God's will is a great brainwasher. I have to agree with the expert that only such person could end acts of terrorism. However, I'm not sure if someone like Ba'ashir will do that any time soon as Densus captured him in such way.

I just hope that we have less and less terrorism problems in this world.

Pharma Wedding

Today one of my dad's friends' daughter got married. I heard it would be spectacular. Rumor has it that her Wedding Kebaya is made by Anne Avantie, which costs at least IDR 30 million for the plainest one to made or more than IDR 10 million to rent. There were 800 invitations sent out for the reception.

Good on her, I guess. I wish her & her husband well.

It's just the fact that pharma industry is paying for parts of her wedding seems odd to me. They are not poor. They just feel they are entitled of such treatment from the industry. I know if my dad was around, he wouldnt have thought about asking the pharma industry to pay for any of his children's wedding.

I can understand it when doctors asking for pharma to pay for their conferences. But for their kid's wedding or birthdays? These kind of things arent allowed in the West. To my knowledge, Western pharmas are not allowed to do this in Indonesia by their HQ abroad, so it's the indigenous pharmas who are into such treatments. Sure, Pharma gains so much profit from these doctors, but in the end it's the patients who have to pay since most people dont have any insurance in Indonesia.

Scared of Hijabers

I'm scared of hijabers, women who wear hijab, in a group. Especially when they are at TransJakarta bus stop/terminal.

I almost fell into the gap between the terminal and the TransJakarta bus yesterday because some hijabers pushed me around to get to their bus. They were like wildebeest in migration. They didnt care about others, as long as they got what they wanted. It wasnt like there were no more bus, they were just mad.

That wasnt the first time I had trouble with them. I once fell on my bottom in the bus because someone pushed me to get to a seat. Then there was time someone dragged my bag to the left, when I wanted to go to the right. Why? Because she wanted to get to the left, and I happened to be in front of her. The other day, one of the fat ones sat on my lap to get to my seat. The other tried to push me off from my seat using her big bottom.

I dont know why they act like that. They just do. It makes me worried when standing in line and there are a group of hijabers behind me.

It gives me an idea why Mina tragedy happened, where pilgrims got trampled by fellow pilgrims. They just care of number one, and not any one else.

Ireland is More Islamic Than Indonesia

This is not a joke. Not only the Irish has adopted Sharia Finance but according to Scheherazade S. Rehman and Hossein Askari in their study titled 'An Economic IslamicityIndex (EI²)' Ireland is the numero uno in the world in term of EI²! The highest OIC (Organization of Islamic Conference) country is Malaysia at #33. The Netherlands share #15 with the USA. Indonesia? We ranked #104 out of 208 countries, even Belarus at #94 is more Islamic than us. That's hurt. Real. Bad.

Although the methodology is not perfect, this study confirmed what I see in Indonesia in comparison to places I've lived and visited before. Indonesia might be the most populous Islamic country, but those 'evil' countries, such as the USA & The Netherlands, are more Islamic in the sense that their government cares more of their people than their Indonesian counterpart.

I remember years ago an Indonesian Imam living in the USA and work at one of their correctional facilities confessed that he found USA is more Islamic than Indonesia. Sure, Indonesians might be more Islamic when it comes to individual rituals than the Western countries. However, in their daily lives, I dont think what I see every day in both rural and urban areas are very Islamic. Take one of the pesantrens (Islamic boarding school) near my place, each time they have some kind gathering they close down the road as they pleased resulting in traffic jams for hours in the greater area, their people never bother cleaning up their trash afterward eventhough according to the Prophet cleanliness is part of the faith. I heard they also refused to give up part of their land so that the government could build a 4-lanes road that we need in stead of the two-lanes one that we have at present.

Dont get me started with how some Muslims have treated the minorities such as Ahmadyah and some Christians followers. Inhumane. I keep hearing that performing prayers five times a day and fasting, etc, should've keep people from evil deeds. Yet, they conducted such atrocities. I wonder what went wrong, how come all those rituals that they perform couldnt keep them from evil deed.

I came to conclusion that most Indonesian Muslims are more concern about their relationship with their Gawd and forgetting that according to the teaching their relationship with fellow human being are as important. That's when things starting to unraveled. Sad, really.

So, those of you who try to convinced me that if Indonesia implements Sharia we are going to be better, read and weep.

On Motherhood

I was barely 20 years old when I asked my mom how she would feel if I dont have any kids just to test the water. She thought about it before saying, 'If you cant have one, it's ok.' 'What if I dont want to have one?' I pressed her. 'If you are able to have one, why wouldnt you? There are plenty of people out there who really want to have kids but they couldnt.' she asked me back. 'What if I want to work, and I dont like the idea of some stranger takes care of my child? That child is supposed to be under my responsibility. Do you want to help me raise that child?' I responded. My mom said no but still think that I should have one if I was able. We've practically never touched that subject again.

When asked whether I want to have a child, my answer is it depends with whom. I could picture some of my ex-es as the father of my kids, but honestly, some of the others I have a bit problem picturing it. With one of the guys we discussed about it and I told him, if it was possible I would probably quit working at the office the first year and work part-time or work from home later on until they begin their school. With the other guy, we discuss the possibility of adopting and how to raise our kid since we came from different cultures. Interesting enough, it was almost always the guys who brought up the subject of having kids.

The other day I was at the hospital waiting for my appointment, when I saw this 12 days old sleeping baby on its mother's lap. I couldnt help but starring at the baby sleeping so peacefully like there's no problem in the world. I remember asking myself if I want a baby.

Faced with biological clock and some health issues, to be honest I dont put my hope high on having kids of my own. Yes, we can turn to IVF, but I dont think that's something I want. The way I see it, it'll be great to have children of our own, but it's ok if it's not. I dont want to succumb under social pressure of having kids. If one day I decided to adopt someone, I dont want to adopt for my own sake, but for the kid(s) sake because there are plenty of people out there who are not supposed to have kids yet keep having them.

World Class University

Indonesian universities are aiming to be a 'world class university' these days. Some put more effort in achieving it than the others which of course translated into more successful in meeting the target.

I wonder how a university can achieve their goal if they didnt pick up their phone, their website is only in Bahasa Indonesia, the staff barely understand English, and most importantly the staff are nowhere to be found at a scheduled meeting with foreign counterpart which was agreed weeks before. Buildings and huge campus alone wont get you the title 'world class university'.

Welcome to The Club, Honey!

New York voted to legalize Gay marriage. It's nothing new in Lowland, but it's a big deal in USA. I support gay marriage because as it is legal to get married for them, they are now also under pressure to get married. After this they are also gonna get the "when are you going to have any kid" Hah! Enjoy...

Is Moratorium of Sending Migrant Workers The Way?

Once again our government is solving the wrong problem. So, we have problem with our migrant workers abroad. Some of them are barely able to communicate in Bahasa Indonesia, let alone in foreign language. This, of course, creates frustration between the employer and employee. Trust me, I've had my share of frustration with my maids and I speak their language! Coupled that, with the fact that some of them had never seen any modern equipments including a sitting closet before they get to their crash-course facility prior going abroad. In short, these people, who, lets face it, are not all geniuses, had to cramp a lot of new information and suffers culture shocks in a short time before stationed somewhere abroad. Not a good start.

Eventhough some came back successfully building a brick house or two in their village, sending their kids to school. Some had a miserable fate abroad: got raped, unpaid salaries, working long hours (22 hours for example), got beaten up. These negative experiences could lead to depression in both employee and employer, which could lead to murder in some extreme cases such as Ruyati.

Ruyati went back for the 3rd time to Saudi in 2008. The company that sent her put her in a different employer than the one stated in her contract. According to her kids, they heard from another servant in the same house Ruyati started getting abuse on her 3rd day in that house. By 2009, according to the newspapers, Ruyati begged her employer for a permission to go home, but she didnt get it. In December 2009, according to her kids, she called and told them that she was just hospitalized for a broken bone and crushed leg that needed surgery due to being pushed from a stairs by her employer. She wasnt paid for 3 months in 2009 according to the government. The ending of her story in that house was tragic as we've heard: it was in mid January 2010 Ruyati killed the very employer who pushed her by stabbing her head & neck.

In accordance to Saudi's law, Ruyati was sentenced to death by beheading. The official story was: Indonesian government knew nothing until after the execution. Everyone is angry in Indonesia and not a single twit in Saudi on this. There's something fishy about the whole thing. G_d knows what happened.

As a result, our dear president announced a moratorium of sending migrant workers to Saudi.

Now, I am not sure I agree with that policy. We cant deny that for some, going to places like Saudi means increase of welfare for their family. With moratorium being forced this year, there are at least tens of thousands people cant go abroad to work. This means tens of thousands families is losing their remittance prospect and not to mentioned still have to pay for the loan they took to pay for the preparation for going abroad.

I'd rather we tighten the permit of sending people abroad. Since most who got into trouble work as domestic workers, perhaps for the time being we give them more education, especially in foreign language and about their rights and how to deal with stress. We could also work together with the destination countries so that our workers could get random visits to check up on their well-being, that their employer was screened before hand, that they have dedicated lawyers & interpreters working on their side should it be needed. Meanwhile we also need to open up more jobs in Indonesia with a better condition & money, so that less and less people need to go abroad and subjected to abuse to earn money.

We cant just send them off and not bother about them once they got to their destination like it's been all these time. We need to take care and protect our own people. Especially the very people who help us getting money from abroad to educate our kids, to better our future.

Dying Regrets

According to this nurse, there are 5 common regrets of the dying:
1. Not having the courage to live a life true to oneself.
2. Working too hard
3. Not having the courage to express their feeling
4. Not stay in touch with friends
5. Not letting themselves be happier

I'm working on #1, it's not easy doing it in this place where social pressure is high. However, so far I've managed by trying not to be confrontational about things I believe in which is not always common in this place.

As I'm lazy & kind of moody when it comes to work, I dont think #2 will be my regret. I dont believe in working hard, I do believe in working smart (whatever that means) and having fun along the way.

Ever since my dad died, I tend to express my feeling verbally. Because I figured if I dont say what I feel, and the person died, I'd regret for not letting my feeling known. Whatever that person does with that piece of information that I shared is their choice.
I still have trouble expressing anger, though. At least I refrain myself from cursing so I'm not creating bad karma.

I dont always see my friends face to face, but we keep each other in the loop and touch base every now and then. Sometimes I feel like we are more brutally honest to each other when we are not seeing face to face anyway. So, I dont think I would have the same regret as #4 because if I severe a tie it means that person hurt me badly and I feel better off without that person.

How do you define 'not letting yourself be happier'? Happiness is a choice. If you chose A instead of B and later on you are not happy about it because of circumstances, does it mean you are not letting yourself to be happy? Would I be happier being a doctor? I dont know. I do know that I can choose to be happy with what's given to me at the present time. If I stay in the "would've, should've, could've"-world, I wont be happy with what I have.

I dont know about you, but I'm working on dying with a smile.

On Hijab 2

I heard many times over that the reason of women wearing hijab is to avoid being harassed or being seen as a sex object. I always wonder about it.

Looking at the situation in France where you can be harassed due to wearing a burka, I would think that wearing a burka is counter productive of you not wanting being harassed. In both Western world and in Indonesia I heard from my male friends how some women in hijab are more sexy. Again, it is not what those women want, right?

If you are both being harassed and being seen as a sex object while wearing a hijab, why would you still want to wear it? Wouldnt your life be easier just by wearing a modest, non-revealing, decent clothing? Just saying..