On Communication

Once upon a time in a place far, far, away, one of my close friends told me his view about his future wife. He said at the end of the day what matter most is not how sexy she is, how nice she is, or how rich she is, but the ability to talk to each other. I agree with him. Communication can make or break a relationship. The thing is, there are numerous kind of communication, and I dont only mean: in person, or using cellphone, IMs, etc.

Take the Javanese way of communicating, it's all subtle and indirect. Someone could be angry but he didnt look or sound like it. If you are used to this kind of communication, from what is being said you know he is angry. But if his audience is not used to this kind of communication they would think everything is normal, even great.

My father used to ask why I wanted to do something when he didnt like the idea of it but didnt have the heart to say no to me. I knew he didnt want me to, so, most of the time I didnt follow through with my plan after such question. Of course when I bailed out, outsiders would asked me why I did since they didnt think my father minded. Let's just say we had our own way of communication. I understood his 'metamessage', the implication of his spoken words.

After years living in lowland, I now need to adapt to Indonesian way of communicating. I was used to people very directly telling like it is - sometimes to the point of pretty brutal. Now I have to relearn how to read between the lines, hold things back and add loads of sugar coating, and how each ethnic has their own way of communicating. It's more intricate to navigate.

Then there's the technology factor. Some people loves to talk on the phone, some doesnt. The same goes with the internet. I opened up more when I chat or on the phone, because the way the other person reacting toward me in person could clamp me down. While some would find chatting or talking on the phone gives not enough information, so they prefer talking in person.

Men and women also communicating differently. I think when women tell you their problems, sometimes they just want someone to listen and give emotional support, and not giving them any solution. While men would react to such conversation by giving out solutions, because that how men are. They tackle problems.

A close guy friend of mine said that he knows that women talk about every things with each other. The first time I heard it I was surprised, because my girl friends and I dont do that. I do not share every things with my BFF, she knows what matters tho. She knew that secret of mine at Postsecret, for example. Then I saw that Friends episodes where Rachel said sharing every things creates bond. Well, I dont know about that.

I guess what I am saying is, yes, communication is the key. But not only the words are important, we also need to understand how people communicates their thought. It can happened that a person just asked an innocent question but you take it as an insult, and it all goes down the hill afterward just because of the different way of communicating.