Walking the path..

Sabbe sankhara anicca'ti;
yada pannaya passati,
atha nibbindati dukkhe
--esa maggo visuddhiya.
Dhammapada, XX. 5(277).

"Impermanent are all compound things."
When one perceives this with true insight,
then one becomes detached from suffering;
this is the path of purification.

I just spent the best and also the hardest 10 days of my life. And all I did was breathing. Well, not just mere breathing actually, I did my first Vipassana sitting.

Vipassana means 'to see things as they really are, by going beyond apparent truth'. It is one of India's most ancient meditation techniques with the goal to reach full enlightenment and total liberation. In a way, Vipassana helps transforming sense of self by feeling the self. You learn how to purify yourself. It started by observing your own breathing and keeping your mind in equanimity, in the right disposition without aversion or attachment towards any sensations. Sounds easy right? How I wish it was that easy!

During the course that lasted for 10 days, I felt like I was part of mixed of movies: The Matrix, some Shaolin movies, and Bollywood ones. The thing was, during the course you had to live like a Buddhist monk. You lived out of charity of others, observed noble silence (no communication except with the teacher and manager, no reading nor writing) and also followed the sila - (8) moral conducts. Since the teacher, S.N. Goenka, a Burmese with Indian descendant, sometimes recites passages in Pali, somehow I felt like I was part of one of Bollywood movies. Now, where did the Matrix part fit in? There's this scene where Neo talked about having that feeling that you are not sure if you are awake or still dreaming, mescaline; I had numbers of those feeling. And remember that scene where Morpheus said to Neo, 'I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.'? Goenka-ji said the same thing!! Well alright, not exactly the same, but the gist is the same. He is only there to show us the path; we have to walk on it. One has to fight his own battle and work out his own salvation. Sure you got help and support along the way, but you just have to do the hard work yourself... all the way to liberation.

Before I did the course, for a chatterbox like yours truly, 10 days without speaking seems like a torture. I was and still am amazed that I did it rather well. Ok, I still talked to the manager and the teacher every now and then... and I have to confess that on the 8th day I talked to my roommate for about 10 minutes. It was during one of those breaks we had. I was up in my room, sitting up on the window's sill and looking down to the garden. I saw this guy came up to the picnic table and wrote down on the snow: NOBLE SILENCE. I just couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud and my roommates joined in. On the 10th day after they lifted the noble silence I had Verbal diarrhea:) Hey, I am still human!

Then there was this food problem. They only served simple vegetarian (almost vegan!) meals. Now, I've eaten less meat last year, but to think I have to eat 'Dutch' vegetarian meals... well, that's another story. Two years ago I said to my friend there's no way I could've survived those meals. Imagine my own surprise; I actually was able to enjoy some of the meals!! Hmm.. Except on the 6th day when they fed us the so-called 'Indonesian Gado-gado' as comfort food. Man, it was so far removed from the real thing! I mean I am not a kitchen princess, but at least I know that you don't put ginger, cumin, nor carrot and leek in the real Gado-gado. Oh well, I guess beggar can't be choosy.

Didn't I say that it was hard work? The meditation itself was quite something. It's never been easy for me to sit still for a long period of time. Don't get me started about the pain, physical pain of doing Addhitanna, sitting with strong determination. The name says it all, right? It's an hour meditation without changing your posture drastically, so you keep your legs, hands as it is, and keep your eyes closed all the time. They say practice makes perfect. I'm far from perfection, but at least I suffer less and less pain as each day passes.

Having said all of the above things, I am glad I did it. I even think about doing it again in the future. Don't ask me when, but I am pretty sure I will do it again.

May all being be happy and liberated...