It's Good For Your Health, They Said...

Those who knew that I am actually sick, sometimes came up and told me that such and such took this and that supplement/herbal/drugs and it helped their cancer/disease/etc.

Depending on my mood my reaction would be smile, nod, move on; or, I would tell them that it won't work with me because it is different than autoimmune. There were times when I was too tired to discuss about their suggestion and too upset as they kept insisted that I said, 'look, if I tried that, I might die'. Then I left. The truth is, I might not die from it... but I'd be in agony just like two nights ago and yesterday.

So several people has been saying that I should've tried chlorophyl or spirulina. I wasn't sure. I figured it might increase my fiber intake. So I was asking this pharmacist about it. He said it is good and ok to try, but there is a better one: astaxanthin. Then a fellow autoimmune patient said she took if for a while and it's been great. That was weeks ago.

On Sunday I managed to go to a pharmacy and remember about buying it. The remembering part is crucial as I have brain fog often. Not as sever as last year when I forgot my name. I bought the lowest strength. I took it on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.

I remember on Tuesday I woke up with pain in my left foot where the ligament was torn last year. I found it so strange as I had never had any problem before. the pain subsided in an hour or so. In the middle of the night of Wednesday I woke up due to pain in my right hip as I was sleeping on my right side. I changed position but the pain persisted. on Thursday I was in pain, I haven't been in such pain for along time. my right side was in pain from head to toe.
Only after I took another astaxathin after dinner I was thinking what was different in the last several days, and it was astaxanthin. I started to search pubmed. and there it was: benefit: increase immune.

As someone who needs to tame her immune because it was too strong, taking a 'harmless' supplement which turned out increasing the said immune is just plain stupid. I learnt my lesson.

A Spark Of Light

I have just realized, that somewhere in the Postsecret exhibition at the Smithsonian Institute in DC, there a piece of me.

Source: postsecret.com

Back in 2006 I created a postcard which was published on Postsecret.com website and currently among thousands of them that is on display at the Smithsonian. I wont tell you which one it is, after all it is about my secret. But it sure feels awesome.

It Is Life, Jim, But Not As We Know It

A year ago today, I slipped. That split second event has changed my life forever.
It has been hard, physically and mentally, but life goes on and so must I.
I know I am still lucky that I still have my job, that I can still function pretty normal, that my friends and family support me.

I guess this is part of growing up. One of my friends said, if I pass this trial, it means I graduated to the next level.  To be honest, I don't care about the next level.  I do believe in what that lady said to me back in Rotterdam: "every thing is going to be alright".. eventually.  I don't know when, I don't know how, but It will somehow.

Just Saying..

The Stick

I carry a walking stick with me most of the time I am not home now. My mom and O complained about it, saying I look like an elderly. That all I need is to do physiotherapy and be done with the stick. Tonight I met this guy who works across the floor who asked about my stick and after I explained why I carry it with me, told me that I shouldn't make a habit out of carrying it. Isn't it great when someone who talked with you for about 5 minutes be the expert of your life and told you what to do? :) Let's back track to where it started. Last June, 19th of June to be exact, which was The anniversary of grandfather's death, also known as the death of my previous live I fell off the stairs at work. Apparently I was one of many victims of that precise stairs. I was quite lucky, if one can call it lucky, that I didn't need any surgery or broke any bone. I do, however, left with torn ligaments and an autoimmune disease. I graduated from a wheelchair to a walker to a walking stick as my feet is getting better in 2 months. The problem is with my autoimmune, I now have the tendency of getting dizzy when I am tired or stress out or both. It comes and goes as it pleases. My podiatrist agrees that it is better for me to carry the walking stick in case I was by myself and get dizzy so I have less chance of falling. I don't use it at home or at the office as there are plenty of furniture that I can grab to steady myself. However, to go to the restroom at the office I still carry my stick when I go there by myself as the floor is slippery enough when it is dry and most of the time the restroom floor is wet due to people doing ablution before praying on the faucet which they are not supposed to do. Did I mention I fell twice there between February and May almost knocking my head on the wall? I don't get why all these people object my carrying my stick when they are not there 24/7 with me to help me when I feel dizzy or about to faint. By carrying it I can maintain my independence at some degrees, as I don't have to wait for anyone to get around. I wish there is a walking stick that you can fold like an umbrella which you only open when you need it, sort of like the stick that is use by the blind, only it has to be sturdy enough to hold my body weight. This might be the beginning of a project.. like they say, every ending is a new beginning you just don't know it at the time.

Colonialist Behaviour

In the last several months I've seen two kind of behaviors that were displayed by both Indonesians and Foreigners which remind me of colonial era. It is really frustrating dealing with such behavior in the 21st century and being displayed by people who are younger than 40 years old. Seriously!

Exhibit one:

A European had to give lectures in one of the cities out of Java. The said lecturer speaks Bahasa Indonesia and has been travelling and working in Indonesia extensively. Upon arrival in Soekarno Hatta airport he had to wait for this person from the inviting institute to pick him up to travel to the destination. The lecturer had tried to refuse being picked up at the airport as he knows how to travel (especially in Indonesia) and it wasn't cost effective, but the inviting institute refused his suggestion based on: Foreign invitees must be picked at the airport up. Which airport? Not local airport, but Soekarno Hatta airport! So, someone was sent to travel several hours by plane to pick him up and travel back with him to the destination. 

I can understand if you have to pick someone up at your local airport, but I scratched my head hearing this story. If you go to Europe, I bet no one will pick you up at Schiphol during transiting if your destination is Pisa.  Just because they are bule doesn't mean you have to move heaven and earth for them while throwing petals of flowers in front of them. 

Exhibit two:

I think foreigners working in Indonesia can be divided into those who like or even love Indonesia, and those who just happen to work here who might not be the brightest person in their home country (OK, I'm exaggerating here,but  it's not far off. Let's face it, Shell won't send their number one person to Indonesia, they keep him/her in HQ). They all complain about Indonesians and their weird way. It's normal. You compare things you find in the host country to yours or your previous host countries. I did that too when I'm abroad. 

However,  I've met those who put down Indonesians, while they don't exhibit any capabilities themselves, in such way that reminds me of an old colonialist was telling the inlander off. For example, I reminded them about copyright, and the reply that I got was, "Uh, Indonesian doesn't care about it" and ignoring my request. Well, I do and clearly you don't, so don't drag 'Indonesians' into it. It is worse when the person doing this is not even working permanently but act like the boss. 

There are also the ones who thinks that you will do your utmost to please them because Indonesians are nice and helpful according to travel guides, which of course doesn't give you the right to abuse their hospitality.

I have more example how foreigners act toward Indonesians, but some are not really transferable in my writing, as it is more about their subtle gestures while doing it. I think these kind of people were accustomed to the treatment of Indonesians who behave like the ones in my first exhibit and thinking that everyone will submit to their every whim.  

Normally I don't see people as foreigner or Indonesian as I believe we are all equal, but lately I've been dealing with jerks in both sides, I wonder time and time again why do I feel like dealing with colonialists and their subjects in what supposed to be a free country. 

How to Travel After a Fracture

One rainy night toward the end of October I slipped when I tried getting into the bus. It started to swell pretty quickly, as soon as I arrived home I put on Thrombopop (a salve against swelling) and param kocok (traditional concoction for bruising) and wrapped it tightly.

The next day I went to the hospital, got an xray, and yes, another hairline fracture. This time on my left cuboid bone. The doctor said I didnt need any cast, just properly wrapped it and no high heels.

Two days later I was at the airport, checking in. I asked the person in charged if I was allowed to board along with family with kids. She asked why, and I told the story. 'ok, you'll be in a wheelchair' she said.
'My gosh, I dont need a wheelchair, I can walk slowly and it is still 3 hours prior to departure' I rejected her command. But she wont take no, so I had to be wheeled in after checking in.

I felt embarrassed, yet grateful. I was healthy enough bar that one bone, people didnt see that I had swollen foot. And I'd been walking around in the last two days, for crying out loud.

As we transited, I was glad she put me in a wheelchair, it was quite a walk, up and down 2 flight of stairs. It was quite funny when we were about to board, there were 12 (yes, twelve) people in a wheelchair! Each has their own person who pushed it. It felt like a race. I was probably the youngest.

When we landed in SFO, they didnt have any wheelchair for me. I was about to walk, when they said I should get one. So, I did, except this time there were only 3 people pushing all the wheelchairs! Poor them. They had to do a relay pushing us. And, they also helped us getting our luggage. The good thing about being in a wheelchair was we didnt have to wait for long for immigration.

On my way back I didnt ask for a wheelchair. My foot was more stable and I had been walking (slowly) every where for a week anyway. Granted travelling with broken bone disturbed some of my plans and I have to walk slowly and rest often.  But it was a fab trip none the less.

Foodilicious

Things that I miss are usually food

Gosh!

I needed two things done today, the first is getting this logo print out as cheap possible for templates and getting this file translated by today.

The file I have to translate is about 50 pages in Dutch and located in Sumatra. They need it ASAP. Or so they say back on Thursday. I cleared up Friday through Sunday last week to do it. Guess what? I still haven't received the original file until this tonight!!  I texted my friend about it every work day, and kept getting reply that his staff is going to send it. This afternoon he said the said staff just finished scanning them and will send them. Seriously? It took Thursday, Friday and Monday (I have no idea if they work on Saturday) to scan only 50 pages? Might as well you send the original by mail and our office boy could do it in less than one day. If scanning 50 pages takes 3 days, how long do you expect me to translate the whole thing ASAP? 

Next, the logo thing. Back in December we lost our shipment of two custom-made tablecloths to KL using a well-known shipping company. After a back and forth emails, they agreed to refund everything. Now I have to make two other custom-made tablecloths again. To do that I need to blow up this logo into 18cmx90cm in several A4s format before I could take it to the maker. Simple, right? Thinking I still need to finish my report, I asked our office boy to print them at a well-known, overpriced printing shop in Jakarta which located next door. He came back saying that they couldn't do that, and we need to do it at their HQ! What?? Again, seriously? It's a simple print job using photoshop or any DTP program. I ended up doing it myself in the office in less than 30 minutes.

What's up with these people? Those are simple things, why do you make it so difficult? 

Uh Oh

I go to the office wearing a t-shirt most days. When I arrive, I change to 'office wear', whatever that is.
Except for today. I arrived straight to the empty office, bar the office boy. So, I was working in my tees. Jakartan offices are notoriously cold. After awhile, I thought I was going to put on my 'office blouse' on top of my tee as I started to get cold.

Holes and another holes.

That's what I saw on both upper arms of my blouse. Huge gapping holes. Didn't see them this morning when I put it in my bag. There goes my plan swinging by a government office this afternoon.

oh well..

Eavesdropping: Boots, Magic Jar, Trip

I had a meeting at one of ministerial buildings this morning and had my lunch in their canteen. Not long came two ladies from a neighbouring office and shared my table.

I was just eating my lunch while checking my cell every now and then and listening to their conversation:

+ just bought my boots with the help of X in Bandung.. very cheap only IDR 300K. 

- I'm just going to wear my sneakers

+ you should get a pair of boots, too. It'll look good on pictures

- Oh, right.. boots'll look good on pictures... we are there when it's almost cold, right? we could go to Bandung for a shopping trip

(I was wondering where they are going and when)

+ Yes, you could also check out Ambassador mall, they also have jackets

(I wanted to give them tips where to get winter clothing but felt rude to eavesdrop)

- Ambassador mall is a bit expensive

(they talked about small stuff and I was more interested in my cell at this time)

- I have a small magic jar that I'm going to take with us, we could cook 1 liter rice in it

+ Great, bring it

- Not sure if it was enough for the 6 of us, maybe we could cook twice

+ Yes, it's expensive over there

(By then I was curious where they are going that they need to bring a rice cooker I slowed down my eating)

....

+ I heard that food is not that great in Hongkong, unlike in Mainland China

Ok, after finding out they are going to HK, I finished my meal and left. 

Why would you bring a rice cooker to HK? I could understand if you are going to, say, Alaska where there might not be that many chinese/japanese restaurant. Hongkong! 

On Our Birthday Party Conversation

The other Sunday my family gathered at one of my aunts' home for her birthday lunch. This conversation was between two uncles, a bio-ethicist doctor and a dentist, and me in Bahasa Indonesia, except for the figuurzaag which is a jigsaw.

Bio-ethicist (B): do you know where to get a figuurzaag?
me: yupe, ace hardware
Dentist (D): yes, or Depo Bangunan (home depo-red)
B: do you know what a figuurzaag is?
me: it's the circle one, no?
B: no, it's the one you pull and push *did the movement*
me: oh, I bought that one for mom in NL
D: what do you need it for?
B: Oh, we have this 3 year old cadaver at the faculty and it's already rock solid. So, I want to cut it into pieces for class.
D: Topographical anatomy?
B: yes
me: why dont you use figuurzaagmachine?
B: the cadaver wont be fit on it
m: yes it will, I think Von Hagen use it with his plastination
B: I need to ask the anatomy guy how to cut it cleanly.
D: yes, ask the guy, he knows which saw you'll need.

The next thing I knew, while I was trying to find one on the the internet Uncle B went to Ace Hardware to look for it with a cousin of mine.

Just another family gathering, huh?

My Life Is..

I found the picture on the right on Pinterest and showed it to an old buddy

His comment was: 

more like laughing at my expense to be precise hahaha

To that I replied:

hahahahahahahaha but it wont fit the t shirt

It's true.. I've been entertained by his antics lately, which is more entertaining than any romcom on telly

BBC Big Read

Back in 2003 BBC had this programme called The Big Read where they asked the public what their favorite book is. The top 100 result is as follow:

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher

51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie 

Apparently I didnt (finish) read(ing) that many books on the list [all in the bold]. I have catching up to do! Perhaps I should be starting with finishing/re-reading whatever I started but never finished [all those in italic].  

My Fave Patient

Years ago, I was doing my own thing when I met the ever sweet Mrs vdP. She was in her 50s, had an overjet and whole baggage of medical problems. Her dentist referred her to our surgery. Soon, she had to decide about getting a braces and an orthognathic surgery. Mrs vdP was hesitant and the doctor told her to talk to me. I discussed with her and her husband about my experience and showed her my pictures. In the end, she agreed to do the whole thing which would take more than one year of her life.

Each time she came by for her check-up, she looked for me. "Girl, let me see you teeth" asked her each time as soon as I showed up in front of her. I smiled. She said "Wonderful", then left. That's our routine.

After about three months, she had much less overjet that she could close her lips. I chatted with her, telling her how good her progress was. She was so happy. She told me some of her friends didnt recognized her and how doctor H is her angel.

After her surgery, due to her medical condition she looked black and blue for the longest time, we joked that her husband has been beating her up. I gave some tips about eating, cleaning wired-shut teeth and reducing the bruises. Her end result was splendid. She couldnt be happier. And her husband, too. She thanked me for encouraging her to take the step, while all I did was sharing my experience.

Today, I just found out that she passed away a couple months ago.

Dag Mevrouw vdP... Rust Zacht.

To Be or Not To Be

So, I'm in that spot again... the cross road. Should I go to the left, or to the right?
I'd probably use maximin strategy before selling my soul. I read too much Rawls.

ok, back to soul searching..

Closer To Home

I got home to a zombie like maid the other day. She got sick again when I was away. Feverish, coughing, headache, nauseated, sleepless plus I know she has ulcer. She refused to go to the doctor, until I made our security guy practically dragged her.

The doctor that saw her, I think, was a newbie. the doctor did nothing about the fact she's not eating well and feverish. All that she got was an antihistamine. I gave her some meds for her ulcer and she felt a bit better, but still practically refusing to eat whatever food I gave her.

Today, mom & I took her to the hospital to see my dad's colleague, an internist. After an x-ray, the verdict is TB and next Thursday she has to see a Pulmologist. Our maid refused to be admitted to the hospital. I threatened her that if she still refused to eat properly, I will put her in the hospital and told them to give her an intravenous drip. Mom said if the pulmologist said that she has to be admitted to hospital, she wont be allowed to refuse.

I just hope it wont be the resistance type of TB and that both my mom and I wont catch any. The internist did check my mom (who is still coughing for weeks now) and said that she doesnt have TB. I think I had my vaccine booster before moving back here. In any case, I'm scheduled to have my thorax x ray in 2 months anyway.

On a lighter note, there was a funny moment when we were in the hospital. As soon as the internist said  'fleck' after examining her, I knew she needs an x ray. So instinctively I told her to come along with me to the radiology dept. The internist was half laughing and half yelling that I have to wait for the referral note when I was already out of his office, leaving mom chatting with him. His nurse commented that I'm the proof of growing up in the hospital. :)

Note to Self #1001

What Ever He Said..

On Commitment

One of the first questions when you meet Indonesians is are you married. That's how committed Indonesians are to family and married lives.

As a single female in Indonesia, it is a given part of life to be harass by people about getting hitched and produce babies, lots of babies, as soon as possible. Because, the clock is ticking... rapidly in my case. It's like you are only half a human if you are unable to accomplished those feats. 

On the other hand, I kept reading and meeting people, especially Westerners, who supposed to have commitment problem so severe that they've decided that they are not the marrying kind. What I dont understand about these type of folks is that they refused to get married but have no problem having not just a kid, but kids, with their partner.

Personally, having kids is a much bigger commitment than just marrying some guy. With no kids involved, if things didnt work out with the guy it's easy to get a divorce/separation, but not when kids are involved. Having kids means putting (a) person(s) in this crazy, full of suffering, yet enchanting world, which also means you are committed to that new person and also to the former partner to bring the kid up the best you can. Having both parents involve helps.

So why people are scared of getting married but not scared of having kids? Is it because that piece of paper that makes things finalized?