Start Again

I went to another vipassana retreat the other day. There were only 4 other women and 7 guys with 3 volunteers (1 guy, 2 ladies) and a Kiwi teacher. 

This time I felt a lot of energy that I felt like doing somersault every now and then. The food was great, much improved than the first session I had in Indonesia. 

To be honest, I went because I blew up at work about a week before. Not. Good. At. All. A client was pressuring this urgent thing and the guy who supposed to handle it didn't do much. That day he came and did nothing on the matter even though I told him it's urgent every day for a week. I had a report to write so I couldn't go and take care of it myself, plus at the end of that day I had to go out of town for several days. I asked him to do go nicely twice during the day, so it would be done by the end of the day. Until I lost it. Yes, I know: terrible. I'm ashamed of it. 

The aftermath of that episode was: he finally took care of it the next day and an hour before he finalized it, we lost that account. Oh, well.

I thought I would've felt more rage in my meditation, but I didn't. However, between meditation I wasn't at peace. I was scared, actually. Normally, while waiting for the nightly Indonesian discourse to finish (because the English discourse is shorter) I normally just walk around the yard and watch the city light from above. This time I just waited in front of the hall. I felt something is lurking in the dark. 

I know no meditation is the same, but this is the first time I was scared in that place. Even when I was trapped in the bathroom with a snake years ago I wasn't as scared like this time. 

Perhaps I need to confront my fear in the eye. Well, that and anger. Yupe, got a lot to do. 

Start again.. Work diligently. Work patiently and persistently.    

Eavesdropping: Boots, Magic Jar, Trip

I had a meeting at one of ministerial buildings this morning and had my lunch in their canteen. Not long came two ladies from a neighbouring office and shared my table.

I was just eating my lunch while checking my cell every now and then and listening to their conversation:

+ just bought my boots with the help of X in Bandung.. very cheap only IDR 300K. 

- I'm just going to wear my sneakers

+ you should get a pair of boots, too. It'll look good on pictures

- Oh, right.. boots'll look good on pictures... we are there when it's almost cold, right? we could go to Bandung for a shopping trip

(I was wondering where they are going and when)

+ Yes, you could also check out Ambassador mall, they also have jackets

(I wanted to give them tips where to get winter clothing but felt rude to eavesdrop)

- Ambassador mall is a bit expensive

(they talked about small stuff and I was more interested in my cell at this time)

- I have a small magic jar that I'm going to take with us, we could cook 1 liter rice in it

+ Great, bring it

- Not sure if it was enough for the 6 of us, maybe we could cook twice

+ Yes, it's expensive over there

(By then I was curious where they are going that they need to bring a rice cooker I slowed down my eating)

....

+ I heard that food is not that great in Hongkong, unlike in Mainland China

Ok, after finding out they are going to HK, I finished my meal and left. 

Why would you bring a rice cooker to HK? I could understand if you are going to, say, Alaska where there might not be that many chinese/japanese restaurant. Hongkong! 

Mala Educación a.k.a Grandma's Sex Education

I learnt how my maternal grandmother taught her kids about sex today. I was laughing until I cried of all the stories my aunts (who are all older than 70 year old) told me. Mind you the first 8 (eight!) out of 10 kids in the family are female, so they had never seen penis for years.

Aunt #1:
When she was about 12 year old her friend told her that baby came out of the body via vagina.
Aunt: No, it's from the belly button
Friend: No, silly girl, it's from down there
A: No, that is for peeing...baby comes out from the belly button, my mother told me so, she wouldn't lie

Aunt #1 said that her mother said that to have a baby you wrap a carrot with gauze and put it on your belly, then you cover them in some sort corset for a while until it disappeared in the belly.

She was already in the last year of high school at the time this story took place at a dance event.
When this guy she was dancing with began to pant, this conversation took place:
Aunt: Are you tired? Because we could stop now.
Boy: Np, no,, not tired
A: Then why are you panting?
Dancing again
A: Hey, what is that? Do you have a battery in your pocket?
B: ....

Aunt #2:
Staying over at her aunt's who had several sons. One day the sons were taking a bath (mandi) and somehow she saw penis for the first time
A: Ibu (mother), ibu... what's wrong with him... he has a worm!

Years later after she was kissed she said she thought she's not virgin anymore and she washed it 3 days in a row. This is because her mother said that you could get pregnant from a kiss (mom also had been taught this story)

Gosh, so glad my dad taught me well :)

On Food For Thought

Last night it all became real, my internist said that I have Colitis, an inflammation of the colon. Great. At least now we have a name for it so people can't say that I'm acting up. I've been suffering from cramps every now and then since the beginning of last week. My stomach doesn't feel right. I lost my appetite, I've been shunning my veggies.

I think my body told me what I need, if I listen to it closely. About two weeks ago, I was looking for vitamin B12, but my pharmacy didn't have any stock, so I settled with some vitamin B for kids. I was also looking for some iron supplement.

On Saturday when we were at the mall near our place I was thinking if I need to get Enzyplex for my stomach. I was also thinking about asking my internist some for Librax, which needs a prescription because Chlordiazepoxide can be addictive.    Guess what internist gave me? Librax and Enzyplex along with Mucosta because I'm alergic to all sulfa-medication, which actually works for colitis.

So, now I'm faced to even more limited dietary in take.  I have to avoid all the things that I love such as chocolate, dairy products, brocolli, mushroom, raisin, and god knows what else. The safest bet is eating Japanese food, which is not very budget friendly.

It's a wake up call to listen more to my body.
Who would have guess, high fiber is not good for your body?

On Our Birthday Party Conversation

The other Sunday my family gathered at one of my aunts' home for her birthday lunch. This conversation was between two uncles, a bio-ethicist doctor and a dentist, and me in Bahasa Indonesia, except for the figuurzaag which is a jigsaw.

Bio-ethicist (B): do you know where to get a figuurzaag?
me: yupe, ace hardware
Dentist (D): yes, or Depo Bangunan (home depo-red)
B: do you know what a figuurzaag is?
me: it's the circle one, no?
B: no, it's the one you pull and push *did the movement*
me: oh, I bought that one for mom in NL
D: what do you need it for?
B: Oh, we have this 3 year old cadaver at the faculty and it's already rock solid. So, I want to cut it into pieces for class.
D: Topographical anatomy?
B: yes
me: why dont you use figuurzaagmachine?
B: the cadaver wont be fit on it
m: yes it will, I think Von Hagen use it with his plastination
B: I need to ask the anatomy guy how to cut it cleanly.
D: yes, ask the guy, he knows which saw you'll need.

The next thing I knew, while I was trying to find one on the the internet Uncle B went to Ace Hardware to look for it with a cousin of mine.

Just another family gathering, huh?