Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Everything is Going to be OK

Back in 2009, someone I used to admire broke me. Amongst other things according to her, I had to accept being treated like a door mat and my late father (who was anything but helpful to her and her whole family) was a monster.

It still hurts, but much less than before. At first I chose not to say anything and swallowed the consequences of my choice of helping her, but after so much abuse in the end it put me lower and lower into this place where I lost myself.

Each time I heard something negative about me, I reminded myself that warm afternoon back in NL when this stranger stopped and told me that she had this message for me: Everything is going to be OK. It seems like an ordinary event. However, to me it was surreal.

That morning I got my one way ticket to Jakarta for the next week. The sheer finality of it panicked me. I wasnt sure I would survived Jakarta. On the way back to the house I thought to myself: If a perfect stranger told me that everything is going to be ok, I'll believe it.

In that afternoon, on my way back from visiting a friend I saw this lady biking rather fast with her toddler to the opposite direction of where I was heading. About 5 minutes later I heard someone called from behind me, "Mevrouw! Ma'am!" I was alone so I stopped and turned around. That biking lady was approaching me looking a bit flushed. She said she was already far away when she got a message for me, so she started to turn around and looking for me. I found it strange. What message? From whom?

"I dont know what's going on with you, but I have to tell you that everything is going to be ok." said the lady. I was shocked. I actually got even more panic than I was in the morning!

Sensing that I was panicking, she asked if I have g_d in my heart. I said I did. She proceeded, "So, you know that He loves you, just remember that and sterkte, be strong." Then she left, just as quick as she came.

Yes, everything is going to be OK.
And it started to look even great.


colson said...

The first paragraph of the entry is a sad one. These kind of experiences are a recipe for loosing faith in mankind for anybody.

If you will pardon me for saying so, but from the very little I know about you by your posts, I hardly can't believe you've ever lost yourself. In my perception behind the texts there is a shining personality on my monitor.

Anyhow, it's quite reassuring that the ( very) good and reassuring two last lines make up 100% for the slightly gloomy start of the entry.

colson said...

Typo: "I hardly can't believe"should have been "I hardly can believe".

triesti said...

oh yes, I was at the bottom of that hole.. looking up. So now, hopefully the only way is up :) A friend said, I should look at that experience as 'paying old bad karma' to which I said to him, "how bad was I to deserve this?"

Multibrand said...

Hi Triesti,
I hope that now everything is really okay with you.

triesti said...

Thanks Harry